Tonight the connoisseurs of crap will gather at the Falcon in Thornton Park, near downtown Orlando, Florida, to watch a special showing of Sharknado, the latest piece of junk that the SyFy Channel and Asylum Studios have thrown at the small screen. I and many of my friends are going, looking forward to a good laugh at the ridiculousness of the premise and execution. “It’s so bad it’s good,” they will say.

They’ve never met my friend. She worked for Asylum and was appalled not just by the quality of their films but by how they overworked and underpaid their employees, how they didn’t care about quality – ANY quality, be it good or bad. They weren’t trying to be campy or clever with their stupid ideas, bad acting, dumb writing and laughable special effects. They were just trying to keep their costs low and produce quick garbage that would make them money. According to Wikipedia, not a single one of their films has ever lost money. And, thanks to their latest shark storm, they’ve hit the jackpot.

Their crap isn’t even original. It rips off just about every horror and sci-fi film ever made. They even enjoy confusing their viewers by mimicking just-released films in an attempt to fool audiences into thinking they are seeing a real blockbusters when, in fact, they are seeing a cheap knock-off. There’s Snakes on a Train instead of Snakes on a Plane, Transmorphers instead of Transformers, Paranormal Entity instead of Paranormal Activity, and The War of the Worlds (public-domain name) at the same time as Spielberg’s The War of the Worlds. Not surprisingly, they’ve been sued by major studios.

Hey, I’m as big a fan of crappy B-movies as the next guy. Just take a look at this site! I love to watch and make fun of Manos: The Hands of Fate, Troll 2 and Ed Wood films. It’s like getting a glimpse into the mind of idiots. It’s fascinating – and often brutally funny. But make no mistake: While bad is often mesmerizing and enjoyable on a perverted or unexplainable level, like a train wreck, it’s never truly good. So while we’re drinking a beer tonight and enjoying what is arguably the worst movie since Birdemic: Shock and Terror, let’s put things in perspective. Let’s try to remember all the legitimate, high-quality filmmakers who can’t pay their rent and can’t put food on their table because we’re spending too much time obsessing over the giant turd that director Anthony Ferrante has pooped out for our viewing pleasure.

With homage to This is Spinal Tap, I end by offering up my one-word review of Sharknado: shitnado.