In the inane tradition of Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice, and following in the giant footsteps of 1962’s King Kong vs. Godzilla, Warner Brothers and director Adam Wingard are giving us the film we never knew we didn’t need: Godzilla vs. Kong. But to make the contest more fair, Kong is being upsized, ridiculously so.

To gauge just how ridiculous the reimagining is, check out Jeanette White’s article at CBR.com. It’ll drive you ape. As for me, I don’t know which is more upsetting: resizing Kong or the fact that the industry seems consumed with children’s films like this just when we desperately need to get high-quality, high-brow content back into theaters.

If you’re equally upset, just take deep breaths and repeat after me: “Not my circus, not my monkey.”

(For my review of 2017’s Kong: Skull Island, click here.)